Friday, July 6, 2012

When someone shows you who they are...

In season one of Oprah's Lifeclass there was a lesson about meeting people and allowing them to be a part of your life.  It was based around the quote above, which has become one of my favorite quotes.  Many times we meet someone and are clouded by our initial perception of them, or are so overcome with infatuation that we do not take time to see the person for who they are.  And the funny part is that most times you can look back and see that they were giving off clues but you were simply ignoring them.

As I continue to listen to "Before You Do" by TD Jakes, this concept comes up time and time again.  When you meet someone for the first time, whether it be a date or just a new friend, both of you are putting on your best show.  The point of dating is to get the other person to see your best attributes and like you; a sort of summary or cover story.  Many of us get so clouded by the little things we have in common that we assume that person is a good fit for us.  When in fact we should be paying more attention to the fine print that is underneath.  You are an amazing person, special and worth the world.   So why not take a little more time and awareness to the people you let in your life?

If you are out eating and your date is rude to the waiter, then think about that because maybe they are a rude person by nature.  Or how about a few days after the date you don't hear from them or they seem disinterested, yet you are so sure it was a connection.  Chances are they are not interested and if they are then think about if you really want someone who does not show interest in you, especially right off the bat.  Go to a family or work function with your person of interest, see how they interact with their family.  Are they loving towards their family? Do they jump to conclusions? Are they argumentative? Are they aggressively jealous? Do they always seem down and depressed? They are showing you who they are, so believe them!

You cannot change someone, you can only change yourself.  So realize your worth and even though you may want to see the good in all people don't ignore the warning signs of a doomed relationship.  Some people are just not meant to be in your life and you need to realize that, even though on the surface they may seem great.  In the end you are only wasting each others time and feelings.  Only include people in your life that are going to make deposits not withdrawals.  Alternatively you can also use this concept to see the good qualities in people.  Basically, it is just about becoming aware of your surroundings and knowing your wants and needs and how someone matches up to them.  I can bet if you look back at past relationships that went wrong you can now see warning signs you were given to you about how the person would be.  And sure enough those are some of the reasons you decided to part ways.  Life is too short to waste time including people in your life that should not be there.  Love yourself enough to take this lesson to heart.

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